101 reasons not to go to the Year 12 Formal

It's been a crazy crazy year. Lots of things have happened (as a whole year might expect). One of the following anecdotes may well be true.

Sir teaches Senior children these days. Being In the outskirts of Western Mlebourne, these children DO NOT HAVE A DEBUTANTE BALL. Thank goodness you may cry. Not so fast. What we DO have is THE FORMAL. Cringe.

Why so cringeworthy. An excellent question.

Some background information. Sir did attend hir own Formal occasion... In a tux, without her girlfriend. An interesting position to be in, surrounded by a pocket of queers,also dressed in heteronormative attire. Surrounded again by the homophobic year level from hell. Sir guesses it was a miracle that we came in and went out being who we were. But wait.... Who else was non heteronormative? Also... strangely enough, Sir was approached by the Dyke Clan of students at school... Told Sir that they would be going and then a joke about topless Virgins (to do with the new mobile plan Sir guesses).

What is wrong with the school formal? So much that it is hard to describe. But Sir will try.

Imagine the whole school, laid out in money and fluffy white or sleek black with bow ties. Imagine a helicopter landing, a Hummer ("go Hummer hummer" MIA) or a Limo approaching some seedy backwater bright lit Northern suburbs reception centre. By 'whole school' Sir means students & teachers. Then imagine the only lady suit in the room... That is, Sir.

Could it not be presumed that the Formal is a heteronormative cult setting? Who sets out these affairs that are, in their intirety, all about straightdom? One could imagine that they should be called Straightmals, made for straight people doing straight things. Sir does not speak of the actual behavior at these events, but the structure to which they aree based on.

So Sir did not go. Not a great surprise, you may assume, Sir hopes you assume. But is it not the actual Straightmal that is commented on, but often the LACK OF PRESENCE at the Straighmal that Sir finds totally horrifying. The recently freed young adults do not comment, as they are not at school for one, but also know quite definitely that Sir isnot straight, 2, so do not question. But the teachers do. This this the Most vomitous section.

One comment would be" I didn't see you at the formal!!! Were you there?'. Another would be 'We had a great night!'. Another ' I have to go home to make myself beautiful! Yes, you guessed it...all from teachers.

Why this is so offensive is obvious. From a getting out and getting dressed up point of view Sir doesn't need to elaborate on hir DRESS SENSE especially FORMAL. One has been Married and been Immaculate.

The most offensive angle is that these teachers are so invested in their own journey with the children that are (arriving in helicopters, hummers, limos) celebrating their own coming out...Unfortunately Sir cannot say that she saw the 'coming out' Hopefully it was good. But the rest of the connections are not so painfully obvious.

What if the Hummer guy was a girl? What if the two dykes were in full straight boy drag? What if there were two gay boys that wanted to dance with each other? What if there was a gay boy, dressed as a girl? Or a gay girl dressed as a whore? What if there was a hir, other than Sir? What if there was a hir dressed as a hir? All of these thoughts make Sir sick to the stomach.

Sir must apologize. She should be much more proactive and defend these young creatures by being Hirself. However the mass straighdom of the teacher population does not make this a possible event. This year.